Putting lipstick on the pig of the “Union”

Boris Johnson is coming to Scotland this week as part of his efforts to save the “Union”, a word which always needs to be put in scare quotes since it’s not actually a properly functioning union at all, in which respect it’s very like the title “Prime Minister” when it refers to Boris Johnson.

This “Union” comprises the government elected by the largest country of the UK, using a seriously dodgy electoral system which produces governments with crushing majorities in the Commons, but with a minority of votes cast, lording it over the smaller nations of the UK.

Saving this “Union” seems to consist of Johnson making a flying visit to Scotland, snubbing the elected representatives of the people of Scotland, and descending in secret on a factory or business owned by a Conservative sympathiser where he can pose for a photo op and make a few fnaugh fnaughing rambling non sequiturs and unfunny jokes in front of a predominantly anti-independence press pack, safely guarded from any contact with untamed Scottish people who might relish the opportunity to tell him that they think he is a bloviating bloated liar.

This “saving the Union trip” bears the exact same relationship to the political and constitutional reforms which might actually have a chance of taking some of the steam out of the demand in Scotland for another independence referendum as a photoshop filter on Instagram does to life saving surgery. Although even the most powerful photoshop filter in the world is still going to struggle to make Baw Jaws attractive to the people of Scotland.

In the Conservative understanding of this supposed partnership of nations, Johnson is the commanding officer and the rest of us are just so much cannon fodder. Well we’d kind of worked that out by his willingness to sacrifice the lives and safety of countless thousands in order to placate the right wing zoomers on his back benches and the whiny entitled attention seekers who inhabit the studios of GBeebies.

Despite an offer from the First Minister to meet with Johnson while he’s in Scotland on his cosmetic exercise, putting lipstick on this pig of a “Union”, the porcine lipsticker in chief has snubbed the offer of a meeting. This is despite the fact that the First Minister had offered to meet him in order to discuss efforts to recover from the pandemic, you know, that topic that the Tories keep insisting that Nicola Sturgeon focus on to the exclusion of everything else.

Johnson has not given a reason for refusing to meet with the First Minister. However it’s highly likely that he’s refusing to meet her because his fragile ego cannot cope with the optics of the First Minister of Scotland being perceived as his equal. UK officials have previously admitted to the right wing press that Johnson has been reluctant to engage directly with the First Minister because he does not want to give her an equivalent status to his own. In his eyes he’s the leader and she’s merely the head of a glorified county council. Describing Johnson’s superiority complex to the press one “Westminster insider” said that Johnson “outranks the First Minister, adding revealingly, ” He has the pips on the collar.”

Still, Johnson need not worry about anyone in Scotland thinking that he’s Nicola Sturgeon’s equal. She is widely regarded as one of the most competent politicians in the UK and is held in high regard across the whole of Europe. Boris Johnson … isn’t.

It’s quite likely that on some level the charlatan and serial liar who sits in Number 10 Downing Street knows that too. He knows that when it comes to Nicola Sturgeon he is hopelessly out-classed. Rather than risk his manifest inadequacies being exposed in a face to face meeting, he’d rather run away and hide. Of course he’s willing to hold a meeting with all the First Ministers, he says. But that’s a meeting that he would chair, where he sets the agenda, and which panders to his idea of himself as being the superior.

Naturally Douglas Ross thinks that Johnson was quite right to reject the offer of a face to face meeting with Nicola Sturgeon to discuss efforts to recover from the pandemic. This is the same Douglas Ross who huffs and puffs in outrage if Nicola Sturgeon takes fifteen minutes off from dealing with the pandemic in order to sit down and have a ready meal from Tesco for her tea – even one that’s plastered with Union flag branding. But now all of a sudden he’s happy that she will not after all be having a meeting in order to discuss joint measures for recovering from the pandemic. It would be nice to say that it was surprising that Douglas would display such rank and opportunistic hypocrisy, but sadly it’s as surprising as the sun coming up in the morning or Murdo Fraser being a bit of an eejit on social media. Rank hypocrisy is what Douglas does.

General Johnson will be meeting with the Scottish Tory corporal on both days of his visit though, because wee Dougie revels in the position of being a supplicant and a subordinate at the court of the World King and he expects the rest of Scotland to do the same, to take its orders from its betters in Westminster and obey. This isn’t a partnership it’s a hierarchy, and Scotland is to be kept firmly on the lower rungs.

Nicola Sturgeon is dangerously uppity and if she were to have a one to one meeting with Johnson that might lead people in Scotland to imagine that she was the national leader and that Scotland is equal in status to any other nation. That will never do. The message from Johnson is loud and clear. Know your place, Jocks. Don’t dare get ideas above your station. It’s Upstairs Downstairs, masters and servants. That’s what this so-called “Union” really is. Johnson’s cowardly refusal to meet with the First Minister has unwittingly exposed the truth.


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