Judge Judy fortnight 2022

Oh God, just kill me now please, because I really can’t take any more of this royalist sycophantic brown nosing that the British media insists is serious current affairs. It was bad enough last year when Prince Philip finally caught up in real life with all the times that his demise had been trending on Twitter and gave his demise a real reason to trend. The news of his passing was followed by what is known in this household as Judge Judy fortnight as my other half and I fled to the furthest reaches of the EPG in order to escape the 24 hour all channel brown nose fest which had taken over all other programming in a doomed attempt to persuade us that Prince Philip was more than just an over-privileged and obscenely entitled serial philanderer with a line in deeply offensive racist quips who posed as a champion of the environment while blasting as much wildlife as he could to buggery with a shotgun.

This year the BBC is already softening us up for another royalist pukefest in the shape of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, during which we are all to be expected to tug our forelocks and celebrate 70 years of Windsor family entitlement, privilege, and vast wealth obtained at public expense. We are supposed to be grateful that we are lectured to on saving the planet and tackling climate change by the likes of Princes Charles and William, who take private jets and helicopter trips in the same way that the rest of us hop on a bus to get the messages at Asda.

We are supposed to celebrate that this disgustingly wealthy family milks the public purse to the tune of millions annually and self-servingly poses as a public institution when it wants to maximise its revenues from the state, as a commercial brand when it wants to boost its revenues from lands and property which it has annexed to itself as private property even though they rightfully belong to the public institution and therefore to the state, and as a private family when it uses that public money to pay for expensive lawyers in order to run to the courts to seek injunctions to prevent those of us who really fund their pampered lifestyles from finding out that their real behaviour falls far far short of the glossy fairy tale image of self-denying saints which is propagated by the gushing sycophants of the British media who do their utmost to prevent us from having a proper grown up conversation about who the Windsors really are, and the influence that they wield behind the scenes, an influence which extends to both the Queen and Prince Charles having the power to alter any legislation which they believe impinges upon their wealth and privilege.

There is an arguable case for the Queen as head of state to have the ability to have a say on any legislation which has an impact upon her in her role as head of state. However there is no case for allowing her to exempt herself from laws which affect her private interests. And there is no case at all for allowing Prince Charles any input whatsoever into any legislation. There is only one head of state, and it’s not him. The way in which Princes of Wales have been allowed since the early 20th century to muscle in on the legislative process by politicians too blinded by deference to stop them is perhaps the perfect example of the fundamental flaw of an unwritten constitution.

In 2022 we will be inflicted with the Platinum Jubilee – marking the 70th anniversary of Queen Elizabeth on the throne – an anniversary reached on February 6, this will then be celebrated in early June with a long-weekend holiday consisting of the usual pageantry, fancy uniforms and Prince Edward weighted down with a suspiciously large number of medals for a man who was only in the Royal Marines for a fortnight.

There will be flypasts, special TV programmes with Nicolas Witchell in full lick-spittle mode on prime time telly, and the BBC will be desperately trying to tout street parties like a multi-level marketer who will be publicly humiliated if they don’t meet their quota of snake oil sales. Which is appropriate seeing as how the Windsors are the snake oil of the British state. And of course it will all be served up with an insistence that we must all share this starry eyed and uncritical view of a family who sit at the pinnacle of the deeply undemocratic patronage at the heart of the British state. We will be fed the hagiographic myth that the monarchy is apolitical, yet the head of the British state is a political role by definition, something we see clearly in a Scotland where many seek to free this country from the rule of the British state.

The Windsors know that they are beyond accountability and behave accordingly, the weasel wriggling of Prince Andrew to use legal technicalities in order to dispose of the court case brought against him by the woman who alleges that he took advantage of her when she was a sex trafficked teenager is merely the latest sordid example of the Windsors acting as though normal standards of morality do not apply to them. For a family which sits at the head of the British class system it is perhaps ironic that the Windsors have no class. Andrew is by no means isolated as a Windsor male who views women as disposable. His brother’s appalling behaviour during his marriage to Diana displayed a similar mind set. Recently social media exploded with allegations, which are strongly denied by Windsor apologists, that Prince William has inherited much the same sense of male entitlement.

The Queen is very elderly and recently has started to show evidence that her advanced age is starting to take its toll as the passage of time does on us all. This upcoming Platinum Jubilee would be the perfect occasion to take stock and start to have a proper adult conversation about the role of the monarchy in a 21st century democracy. Sadly it looks as though the BBC and the British media will use it as yet more fuel for a mindless British nationalist exceptionalism. We will yet again be infantilised and treated with contempt, our intelligence insulted and our concerns brushed under a carpet of pageantry and glossy lies.

In this household, as in many others throughout Scotland, it will be Judge Judy fortnight all over again.

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