End of. Full Stop.

Source: Wee Ginger Dug End of. Full Stop.

Isn’t it funny how things change in a couple of years. A couple of years ago the merest hint from European leaders that they’d prefer no changes to the existing settlement were spun into massive threats to veto Scottish membership of the EU. In fact even when those European representatives were talking about something else entirely, as was the case with the Croatian ambassador talking about the hurdles his country faced in gaining membership of the EU as it recovered from war and communist rule, it was still presented to us by Unionist politicians and media as a death blow for independence hopes. Yet here we are two years later, and now even explicit statements from EU leaders that the UK is kidding itself on if it thinks it can get special treatment from the EU post-Brexit are airily dismissed by our Tory masters. Because Britain is special. Britain is great. Normal rules of common sense don’t apply.

This week the Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi said that if the UK wants full access to the single market, then it has to accept free movement of people. He added it would be impossible for British citizens to have more rights than citizens of other countries outside the single market. However Fluffy Mundell, who is the Tory governor general of Scotland when he’s not doing his day job modelling fashion accessories for Paddington Bear, waved away what the Italian PM had to say with a flick of his polyester fibre stuffed paw. According to the Fluffmeister, who’s now an expert in international geopolitics as well as being the Tory McDictator General and Maymessage Bot, the Italian PM was just sounding off.

One after another EU leaders have lined up to tell the British government that it’s not going to get a preferential deal. Malta’s PM said recently that any deal secured by the UK needed to be worse than remaining a part of the EU. The Slovak Prime Minister Robert Fico said that Europe would make sure that any exit from the EU would be very painful for Britain. That’s Malta and Slovakia, a tiny island of a few hundred thousand people, and a landlocked central European country of a few million poeople, both of which now have considerably more influence in determining the future of Scotland than the people of Scotland do. That’s what happens when Scotland is dragged along as a part of the UK into things we didn’t vote for. We’re now subject to small countries who have more power and influence than Scotland does, yet during the indyref we were constantly told that Scotland couldn’t have any power or influence as an independent country because we’re a small country. The truth is that it’s as a part of Britain that we have no power or influence. Instead we have Fluffy Mundell.

Meanwhile, according to the Guardian, German officials mutter that Mutter Merkel is getting less and less impressed by May by the day. Germany is rapidly coming to the conclusion that it’s not that May is guarding her negotiating position closely, it’s that she doesn’t actually have one. And in the vacuum of official UK policy we get hard right clowns like Liam Fox mouthing off instead. Mind you, Liam Fox is a vacuum all by himself. In this mess of a Brexit, Britain is heading for the worst of all possible outcomes, no access to the EU single market, no freedom of movement of people, trade tariffs with the EU. There’s a very real prospect that you might have to apply for a visa to go to Spain for a holiday, not that you’ll be able to buy much once you’re there because the arse will fall out the pound once the big financial institutions desert the City of London because they’ll have lost their passport to trade freely with the EU. Fluffy Mundell says all this is sounding off, as he waves his stuffed arms. Because Britain is special. Britain is great. Normal rules of common sense don’t apply.

The Tories are more concerned about those of us who’re seeking a realistic path out of the shambles of Brexmess that they have created than they are in finding solutions to their own disaster. How dare that Nicola Sturgeon try to use Brexit as an excuse for another indyref, said Fluffy, and Big Ted and Little Bear nodded in agreement as they sat down for tea in their red white and blue scarves. There’s not going to be another indyref, they chorused. End of. Full Stop. Because when you end your Tweets with End of. Full Stop. that’s a definitive end to the argument that supercedes any other facts or opinions.

Remember how during the EU referendum campaign Michael Gove said that it was possible that Scotland could control aspects of its own immigration policy post-Brexit. That’s now been definitively ruled out. Scotland getting a special deal within the UK in order to remain a part of the EU once the rest of the UK has left looks as likely as Fluffy taking off his wellingtons and his duffel coat and covering himself in marmalade during an interview with Gordon Brewer. How things change in two years, remember when the Tories were assuring us that Scotland’s voice would be respected, that we’d be a leader in this most perfect partnership of nations. Now we know that the reason they were saying stay with us Scotland, was so that they can take Scotland to places where we’ve told them that we don’t want to go.

The options for respecting the Scottish result of the recent referendum are growing increasingly narrow, yet Fluffy is appalled that anyone might consider the only option that can actually keep Scotland within the EU, a second indyref. If his own party had kept the promises that the Better Together campaign made to the people of Scotland during the first independence referendum campaign, then there would be no one asking for a second independence referendum. He’s only got his polyester fibre stuffed lying government to blame. End of. Full stop.

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frontcovervol3I’m now taking advance orders for Volumes 3 and 4 of the Collected Yaps. For the special price of £21 for both volumes plus £4 P&P you can get signed copies of the new books if you order before publication, scheduled for mid-July. Covering the immediate aftermath of the independence referendum until the Yes campaign’s destruction of the Labour party in the 2015 General Election, it’s a snarling chronicle of Scottish history.

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